bringbackgold | Catchall (for bespredel)

He folded into the other, gripping at the lapels of Otabek's leather jacket tightly. He buried his face into the other's neck, sucking in shuddering breaths against his skin, nuzzling deeply. His breathing started to calm, but he couldn't manage to stop shaking, the muscles of his stomach clenching tightly beneath the warmth of Otabek's hand.

"I'mean sorry," He choked out against the other's neck, "I had to get out of there. I couldn't breath- Beka." He whispered the other's name like a prayer, with a yearning he didn't know how to articulate just yet.

"I'm scared," He admitted, his voice barely above a whisper, "I want to go home."

"We can go home," Otabek said. He wanted to hold onto Yuri forever. He wanted to keep him close. "Well get home. I'll return the car. We can spend all night at home." He knew they would talk, or at least that they should. He also knew he might have a hard time bringing up the question as to whether not Yuri wanted to keep it. He needed to know, because he loved Yuri and would give him that choice. But giving this up would also hurt more than he could think.

He didn't move for several moments, keeping his hold on Yuri. He was feeling so much need to protect him and keep him safe. He felt that most times, but the recent news heightened that need. He was worried. So worried, and he couldn't hide it despite how much he tried to make sure no one could tell by looking at his face.

"I can make us lunch, too. Or order something. Whatever you want." He knew Yuri hadn't really been eating much, but that had to be hurting him. He had to be running on near empty. His palm gently pressed, no longer resisting the urge, and he felt the hardness there. It was a confirmation for him that there was, indeed, something there. It felt different from any other time he had touched Yuri. How had he not noticed it before?

He shifted a little, moving to stand, reaching to help Yuri up and into the passenger seat before he'd move to take his home. Even in the car, he'd offer his hand to Yuri so that they could still keep contact on the way back home.

"Okay," Yuri agreed, grateful that Otabek understood. That he knew what he needed without Yuri having to articulate too much. Because he wasn't sure he could just yet. He took a few more moments to just breath, his face still buried in the other's neck, until the other was moving him. He finally seemed to have levelled out, no longer breathing in quite such a gasping, hyperventilating way. That at least, was a good sign.

Yuri let Otabek touch, let him press softly into his belly to feel the unmistakable lump of... of something. Inside of him. A baby. The thought alone was enough to have yuri's mind spinning again.

He loaded gently into the car, and as soon as Otabek was in with him he was scooting to lean over, their fingers lacing as Yuri lay his head in Otabek's lap. It wasn't the safest way to drive probably, but Yuri didn't care. He needed to be close, needed his Otabek. If not for the console between them, Yuri would have pressed himself right up against the other's side.

The position wasn't safe, but that's alright. Any time they were stopped, he moved fingers through Yuri's hair, his head in his lap. It was comforting for him to have Yuri close like that. He hoped that he was able to at least comfort Yuri a little. He knew he was stressed, without even needing to get close and notice any changes in his scent. He didn't feel like he was able to provide any comfort for him. He wanted to make Yuri feel safe, loved, and wanted.

He was okay with having the drive be quiet to the apartment. He parked it up front. He waited there for several moments. "Yuri, I'm going to get you inside," he said. "Then I am going to return Yakov's car." He was brushing his fingers over Yuri's hair. "I'll be back soon. After that, we don't have to leave the couch."

Talking, maybe. He was quiet for several moments.

"Yura..." he said, using the affectionate name, "I love you. Let's go inside. The sooner we do, the sooner we can spend all day and night together."

He trusted Otabek, trusted that he was a safe driver and that he was in good hands. He kept his eyes closed, drifting through his thoughts, trying to make sense of all the white noise in his head.

"I love you too," he mumbled sitting up and blinking slowly, letting out a slow shuddering breath. "I just want to bundle up in blankets with you and Korolevna on the couch and just.... I don't know,"

He shuddered out another breath, scrubbing his face gently with his hands.

"Just come home to me soon," He pleaded softly, "I don't really feel like being by myself,"

"I won't take long," he said. He got himself out of the car, and moved to the passenger side, opening the door for Yuri. He leaned into the car, moving one hand to Yuri's cheek, and placed a gentle - chaste kiss on his lips. His arms shifted then, around Yuri's shoulders. He hugged him close. He'd stay like this forever if he didn't know there were things that needed to be done.

He pulled himself away. "I'll help you in. The sooner we're in, the sooner you, and I, and Korolevna can cuddle up." He liked the sound of that, too. He could order food for them. They'd barely have to spend moments apart there. He could watch after Yuri now. Maybe he'd cancel training for the next couple days for himself, so they could spend the time together. He could tell Yakov when he dropped his car off that he'd be out for a short time.

He didn't like to skip practice or miss out, but this seemed like an appropriate time to take a short break. He wouldn't do it forever, he couldn't. But a few days for them to gather themselves, to find out what Yuri wanted, and to spend time together seemed appropriate. They had things they had to work out. And they didn't have very long, really. Maybe two months, which - he knew - was no time when you had been surprised.

"Let's go." He offered his arm to Yuri so that he could support him for the walk inside.

Sitting up, Yuri immediately reached to wind his arms around the other's shoulders, holding on just as tightly to the other as Otabek did him. Softly, he nodded, allowing the other walk him up to the apartment. If he had known that Otabek was thinking about skipping practice, Yuri likely would have tried to talk him out of it. With Yuri being out for nearly an entire season now, someone had to bring home sponsorship money for the baby.

Their baby... God, that was an idea that still seemed so strange and surreal. Scary, too.

"All right," he murmured, leaning against the other as they made their way up the stairs. As soon as they reached Yuri's apartment, he was unlocking the door- hesitating there, reluctant to part with Otabek, but knowing that if he let the other tuck him in it was going to be even harder to send him away again.

"The sooner you go, the sooner you can come back," he whispered, leaning up and pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Otabek's lips.

"I love you, Yura," Otabek answered. He knew it, too. He knew if he stayed, he'd never leave, and then he was sure Yakov would be extremely unhappy with him not returning the car in a timely manner. He stopped himself from reaching for Yuri's stomach again. Their baby. That's all he could think of. His eyes were locked on the other for several moments. Still, here, he had a hard time stepping away. He didn't want to leave Yuri's side at all.

Finally, he managed to get his feet to cooperate, and he stepped away from Yuri to go return the car. He made his way away from the apartment, and towards where he had the car parked. Once to it, he hopped in. He kept the car quiet the entire drive. He was in thought for most of it. He didn't want to show it to Yuri, but the news did make him a little anxious, too. Although it was something he ultimately wanted, it did come as a surprise. He had already been planning to move to St. Petersburg eventually, but this would ultimately make that happen more immediately. He'd have to call some friends back in Almaty to pack his things and have them shipped here. He wasn't going to be able to leave Yuri alone for days. He didn't like doing that before they had gotten the news, but now it was different.

He parked at the drink, locked the car, and walked into the rink to give Yakov his keys. His own keys for his motorcycle were in his pocket. When he stepped inside, he was almost immediately greeted by the coach. Otabek walked towards him, handing him the keys. He was going to see if he could avoid conversation.

"And Yuri?" Yakov asked.

"At his apartment," Otabek said. He was dodging it, he knew that wasn't what Yakov was looking for. Yakov gave him a look. Otabek didn't want to tell him yet. It wasn't only his to tell. So he kept it simple. "It might be awhile before Yuri's able to get back on the ice. Like a season. I'll be back in the next couple days."

He felt like it said it without... directly saying it. He didn't wait for a response, just turned away and made his way out quickly, to get his motorcycle and head back to Yuri. He could feel Yakov's eyes boring through him as he left, though.

When he arrived back to the apartment, he stepped inside, feeling already relieved that it was over. "I'm back," he said. He was ready to just sit down with Yuri now. It had been an eventful day. "So about bundling up in blankets." It sounded so appealing now.

Yuri waited, because he had to. He felt unmoored; out of place in the confines of his own body. Without Otabek there, a creeping sense of unease began to grow, prickling at the edges of his consciousness. He felt scared, still, but now so too did he feel somehow unsafe. It wasn't a good feeling. Knowing Otabek had a key to his apartment, Yuri locked the door, and then turned. Stared at his apartment, not knowing what to do with himself, something welling up inside of him, threatening to break.

What if Otabek didn't come back?

And there it was, the thought that Yuri had been to afraid to give focus to, but now that he had let it pass, it was all he could think of. What if Otabek didn't want this responsibility? What if Otabek left him, because Yuri fucked up. Because Yuri picked the wrong type of birth control?

This thought alone shattered Yuri, and he burst into sobs. Couldn't even make it to the couch before he sunk to the floor, pressing his fists against the sockets of his eyes and weeping; deep, guttering heaves of anguish over the thought of pushing away the man he loved most because of this.

It felt like he would never stop crying, now that he had started; but eventually, he managed. Even managed to crawl towards the couch. Not on it, but in front of it. Pulling a pillow down off of it and hugging it tight to his chest, biting at it with his teeth and wiping his tear streaked face against the fabric, letting out shuddering breaths.

A wave of relief washed through him when he heard the door open, when Beka's voice greeted him. He didn't trust his voice not to give away how hard he had been crying, but even without speaking it was obvious, his face and eyes red, his nose still running a little.

"Yeah," he croaked softly, "I'd really like that." He tried not to sound pleading, extending one of his hands towards the other for Otabek to take, to lift him up and to give him the guidance that in that moment, he was desperately seeking.

Otabek could tell Yuri had been crying when he heard his voice. He was silent for a moment, before taking off his shoes, jacket, and scarf before heading into the living area. He found Yuri on the floor, rather than on the couch which he had been anticipating. When Yuri's hand came towards him, he took it, pulling him upwards. He never had difficulty lifting up Yuri, so he did this with ease. He pulled him towards his chest, and held him tight, before shifting to move onto the couch with blankets and pillows.

He was trying to make this as comfortable as possible for Yuri. He wanted him to feel safe, secure, and at home here. He held him close. The way he did, too, was a sure enough sign that he wasn't about to let go of Yuri for any reason.

"Yuri," he said. He knew they should talk. But he just wanted to say what he needed to say. "I've been thinking of finding a place here in Saint Petersburg. Do you want to help me find one on my next day off?"

He thought this might the best way to articulate to Yuri that he had every intention of staying here with him.

His legs still felt unsteady, and so he was grateful for the other's support in bringing him onto his feet. That was half the reason why he had stayed on the floor, unable to trust himself not to fall when he felt so shaken.

Arranging themselves together on the couch almost felt normal. Almost. With his back against Otabek's chest and his head resting on the other's shoulder, Yuri could almost pretend that he wasn't feeling like he had ruined everything.

The other's words were the exact opposite of what he expected, and it showed in how he startled in the other's arms, turning his head to try and get a better look at the other. To make sure he wasn't joking.

"You could move in here," He blurted immediately, his tone too hopeful. It caused him to flush as soon as he'd said it, hiding his face with his hair and biting at his own lip, "You don't have to though. We can look," he added slowly, more carefully this time.

"Wouldn't it be nice if we had a place for us? With and extra room or two." He let his hands move and rest over Yuri's stomach. Without saying, he wanted Yuri to understand what he meant the rooms were for. He was thinking ahead, because if Yuri wanted to keep it, this baby would need a room. And he knew they should get started soon, too.

And, if Yuri didn't want to keep it, he was hoping that he'd let Otabek know before they found a place with so much extra space. They could just live here if it was just them.

Instead of pressing on his stomach, Otabek just moved his hand in circular motions there. He was trying to find a way to breach the topic. "Yuri... we should talk about this." He hoped the other wanted to. He really did. He was drawing on his sensible and blunt nature. He didn't want to stress Yuri out, but he was worried, too.

His stomach knotted and tensed beneath Otabek's roaming hands. An extra room. Or two. For them. And for... Yuri shuddered out a breath, gripping Otabek's hands more tightly than he meant to, his knuckles white and nervous.

"I'll just be happy to have you with me," He mumbled, and so badly hoped that Otabek really would stay.

His back stiffened at the other's words about talking, though, and Yuri squeezed his eyes tightly shut.

"What do you want to say?" He asked, voice strained, "You don't have to stay. I don't want to force you. You-" his voice broke, and he bit his lower lip hard.

"I will never leave you." His brows furrow because of the fact that Yuri thought that for a second he would consider it. Especially with things how they are now. He moved his hands there, still. He could feel Yuri's hands tightening around his own. He knew that he was anxious over this, but Otabek needed Yuri to know what he had to say.

So, Otabek started to talk. "Listen, Yura..." he said. And then, Otabek started to talk. He was saying more words, consecutively, than he had ever said before in his life. "I am not going to leave you. I am not being forced into anything. I am going to stay here with you." His hand presses gently to Yuri's stomach. He could feel the baby there. "And this. I don't want to leave either of you, Yura."

He nuzzled against Yuri a little, face burying into his neck. He was taking in Yuri's scent. He wanted that comfort, too. He was afraid, but he was trying to open up the conversation with Yuri about the baby.

Yuri's lip trembled, despite how hard he tried to stop it, how heavily he was biting down. He struggled to keep his breathing even, but couldn't stop the spike of anxiety rushing through his pheromones, more than enough for Otabek to detect. Especially with his nose buried against Yuri's throat.

"You say that now, Beka- but later? People change. And sometimes they just don't come back. I can't-" his own hands pressed against his belly, just above Otabek's. Not quite hard enough to be painful, but enough that he was leaving imprints in his own skin, "You don't have to coddle me if you can't stay. I don't want you to feel trapped. And I don't ever want to make you resent me because I ruined your life!" Yuri had gotten more and more emotional and high strung as he spoke, his final words bursting out of him with so much force it left him shaking. Eyes wet once more, this furiously scrubbed away against the bottom of his shirt, drawn up by one of his hands as he released a shuddering breath, a poorly concealed sob.

Otabek noticed the change in his scent immediately. He didn't like the scent of that anxiety, but he still kept his face in Yuri's neck. He wanted to attempt to comfort him. When that sob broke through, Otabek made a noise against Yuri's neck. He didn't like the way it sounded, and he was quiet for several moments. He was trying to find a way to explain to him what he wanted him to understand. He sighed deeply, inhaling Yuri's anxious scent.

"No. It won't change. I want to bond you. All I ever thought of was you." Since he was thirteen. Yuri has been the object of Otabek's affection for as long as he's ever felt that way about anyone. "That hasn't changed." His hand rested there, on the hardness of Yuri's stomach. On their baby. His future child. The child he wanted and the child he was so afraid that Yuri didn't want. The scent he was emitting, although he wasn't completely aware of it, was one of worry.

The words came out so easily now. "I want this, Yuri. I really want this. But if you don't..." He frowned. "I don't want you to do this if you don't want it." He hoped, maybe, he would know. He needed Yuri to know that there was no way that he'd ever leave.

"Otabek-" Yuri's voice cracked, tense and shaking in the other's arms even as he spoke of promises of bonds. Yuri had told him, when finally he had revealed his feelings to the other that the only person he could ever dream of being with was Otabek. That he would have let the other bond him then, and there if Otabek had wanted. At sixteen, it had been a wilful, impulsive and perhaps even immature suggestion. Yet, the sentiment remained even now. Was stronger than ever before.

But what Yuri heard from Otabek's lips shocked him to the core. Forced him to ground himself. Otabek didn't think he wanted this baby? That he already knew nothing on earth could stop him from doing everything he could to protect it, no matter how terrified he was?

Abruptly he rolled, straddling the other's lap and drawing away so that he could face the other. His hands moved to guide the other's back to his belly, his eyes wide and shocked, mouth hanging open as he sucked in air through worry bitten lips.

"You think I don't want it?" He burst out, before bowing his head, folding forward and nuzzling his nose into the other's neck, breathing deeply, sliding his cheek against Otabek's as he drew back, released a soft, choked disbelieving laugh despite himself.

"Otabek having a family with you is more than I had ever hoped to dream. I'm so terrified- I'm waiting for the axe to come down. For some one to take it away from me," his voice still had a strained, watery quality to it, the scent of anxiety still present- but less so. It seemed as though, finally, they had found the same page.

Otabek listened when Yuri spoke. He was quiet for several moments. Their feelings had been so confused and mixed up, but he was glad that they somehow found a place to meet. His hand moved in small circles on Yuri's belly. Yuri wanted this. He couldn't help himself. Yuri's answer was all that he had wanted to hear. He wanted a family with him. He wanted this baby. Otabek was happy, and he couldn't bring himself to move his hands away from Yuri.

"I was afraid you didn't." He answered, his tone was sincere, although blunt. Afraid - he didn't even realize that this was exactly how he felt until he had said it. But now that the fear had passed, he found it easy to smile; and it was a smile only for Yuri. Since Yuri had confessed to him what he had wanted, Otabek moved his free hand to Yuri's head, he moved his fingers up through the hair.

"We're going to have a family," he said, still smiling. "I finally get a family with you. I am going to take care of you. Both of you." Otabek's family was always together. He was raised by both of his parents, and he couldn't imagine not giving that to his child.

"We'll have to shop soon for a place, though. And start to tell people. They'll be able to tell before long." He was excited now. It wasn't necessarily the most obvious, but Yuri would certainly be able to sense it.

Edited 2017-03-19 03:42 (UTC)

"Oh, Beka," He whispered, his eyelids drooping a little, a soft, bashful expression spreading on his own features. Shyer than Otabek's own, but sweet and glowing, his anxiety melting away little by little with every brush of the other's hands over his skin.

"Both of us," He repeated, still hardly able to believe it, a wide, dopey grin spreading over his features, "We're having a baby, Beka! Us!" And Yuri sounded more than just a little awed, reaching down and cupping his hands over Otabek's where he touched him.

"God damn I'm going to have to pack all of my shit now. Before I get fat as a house!" He made a face, but was still grinning despite himself, sweeping forward and pressing his lips to Otabek's.

"Both of you," Otabek repeated, returning the kiss that Yuri had given him. He was already starting to make lists of things that they'd need to get and do. The bigger things, like the beds and couches, he could get a moving company to help them move. But their other things... they could manage if they rented a truck. He knew he'd have to start packing soon.

He turned his hand on Yuri's stomach, moving to grip the other's fingers in his own, and hold it there. He didn't seem like he would ever let go, either. He loved the feeling of Yuri's fingers in his own.

Of course he was nervous about this, but more than anything, he was awed. "Tomorrow. We can search for a place. I'll check ads in the morning and then we can go." He wanted to get that done first, more than anything. He wanted them to have a place they could call home. They wanted to make sure it felt like their own place, too. "And I can help you pack. Since you'll look absolutely perfect." Otabek was convinced.

Leaning back Yuri huffed at him softly, before shifting to his former position of laying over Otabek with his head on the older man's shoulders. He pulled the warm, fuzzy tiger print blanket down from the back of the couch, throwing it over the both of them. The exhaustion he had been feeling earlier had settled back over him in force now that his adrenaline was easing off, and he knew where Otabek stood on the baby.

It still didn't seem quite real. A baby; a home together.

"Yakov will kill you if you miss training," he reminded, before huffing out a breath of laughter, "Although he may kill you regardless. Considering."

And then, Otabek was being sappy and sweet. Yuri loved it. But, just for good measure he wrinkled his nose, and pushed an elbow softly into the other's chest, "Gross. You're starting to sound like Katsudon and Nikiforov. And you say that now, but there's nothing to see yet. Wait until I have gross stretch marks and my belly is all flabby. Barffff."

"I told him I was taking a couple days off," Otabek said. Of course, he hadn't really said it exactly that way, but letting him know he'd be back in a couple days he felt was enough. "And I told him it might be awhile before you're skating." He frowned thinking that Yakov was going to have to be one of the first people to know, simply because there was no way that Otabek was going to think it was okay to have Yuri on the ice. Not with his fatigue and dizziness being so prevalent. The risk of hurting himself or the baby was very present.

"And he'll kill me anyway, I think. Once he finds out that I got his star skater pregnant." His arms tightened around Yuri. He was comfortable and warm, and while he hadn't been tired before, he certainly was cozy enough to doze off.

He nuzzled into Yuri's neck, closing his eyes. "I'm going to become unbearable for you these next few months," he teased. "Because I think it'll be amazing." He knew he was going to be sappy. It was inevitable.

"If you want to sleep..." he said quietly.

Otabek really didn't need to tell Yuri twice. It was so relaxing, laying in the other's arms, lulled by Otabek's breathing, his heart beat. Yuri mumbled that when he got up, he needed to eat something, but had hardly finished speaking these words and he was dozing. Out like a light.

As promised, Yuri started to pack the very next day. They browsed the internet together, looking at available places. Avoided phone calls, aside from one made from Yuri's doctor saying when his ultrasound was scheduled that week, and that his prescriptions for his prenatal vitamins were available for him to pick up, when he could. He sent Otabek to get them- because there was no point putting it off, now that they were both on the same page.

Hearing the heartbeat for the first time was like a revelation. It was as if Yuri had never lived, until he heard that heartbeat inside of him. It was better than skating, better than a gold medal at the GPF or the Olympics. They went away with pictures and recordings, Yuri unable to stop babbling excitedly about how strong her heart had been- realizing he was already calling it a 'her', and gushing, embarrassed. He felt as though he was on cloud nine.

The next thing they had to face though, was telling those who needed to know before it broke on social media, and Yuri couldn't hide it anymore. They still hadn't told Yakov or Lilia- but his Grandfather was even more important than their coaches. Poor Otabek had had to awkwardly tell the both of them that he was going to be out a little longer while they made the trip to Moscow.

It was one of the first times Yuri hadn't taken the train to get there. Instead, he and Otabek had rented a car. Thinking it better that way so as to not have to worry Nikolai picking them up. The closer they got, the more Yuri's knee began to bounce against the dash. Nervous, and excited both. Reaching over he gripped Otabek's thigh gently, not wanting to distract the other from his driving, but also excited. Terrified.

They immediately went to work the next day. Otabek wasn't keen on putting anything off, and Yuri wasn't, either. They both knew it wouldn't be long before he would hit a point where it just wasn't going to be as possible for him to participate in helping with the move. Otabek was afraid that time was going to fly by with this. After all, they found out about their baby around two months in. They had a lot to do in about seven month's time. But they were both motivated, so it wouldn't be difficult, he was sure.

Otabek, a quiet person anyway, was completely silenced when he heard their baby's heartbeat for the first time. He just wanted to keep listening to it, or looking at the pictures they now had - of her Yuri would say. Otabek didn't doubt, since he trusted Yuri's instincts. They wouldn't know for sure for another couple of months. He just listened to Yuri talk about her.

They both knew that the secret would come out before long. They were in public places, after all. So, they scheduled a trip to Moscow to visit Yuri's grandfather. (Lilia and Yakov were not too pleased when Otabek mentioned he'd be out for a few more days. He had to come up with a very sloppy cover story on how he must of caught something.)

The car ride was nice, but... Otabek was nervous the entire time. He could hear Yuri's leg bouncing. This was a big piece of news they were going to share, after all. Otabek knew how important Yuri's grandfather was to him, so he had to be hopeful that a positive response was coming. He looked up to Yuri when the other gripped his thigh, before his attention immediately settled on the road.

"Almost there," he said, turning down the street to his grandfather's house. His nerves were on edge, but he tried to keep a cool exterior. It was getting difficult. He pulled up, and parked on the side of the road near the house. "Ready?" he asked. They had the recordings and pictures to present him with, as well. After all, might as well also show him and let him listen to his great-grandchild.

Yuri had teased Otabek endlessly for how poorly he managed to lie to Yakov and Lilia. If they hadn't thought something was up before, Yuri knew that they certainly would now. Still, Yuri refused to tell them before his Grandfather knew. He meant the whole world to Yuri, and if he didn't approve... Yuri wasn't sure what he would do. It would break his heart if his grandpa didn't want this, wouldn't support them in it.

He didn't say anything when they turned down the road to his grandpa's house, but he did sit up much straighter, his breath catching in his throat as his childhood home came into view.

It really wasn't much to look at; a little dilapidated and in a poor neighbourhood- but of course none of that mattered to Yuri. To Yuri, it was one of his favourite places in the world. It had been home, once. With a start, he realized that for the first time he didn't think of it that way anymore. Home now... was with Otabek.

"As ready as I'll ever be," he murmured, thumbing the photos that he was hiding in the deep pockets of his hoodie, biting his lip and glancing at his phone, before throwing open the car door and bouncing his way up the stairs. He had told his grandfather that they were coming to visit, but hadn't mentioned that they had news. Of course, Yuri knew his grandfather probably suspected, given that it wasn't like him to skip training.

He didn't knock, just let himself in, calling out, "Grandpa? We're here!" as he lead them inside.

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